On poker night he pushed her just a little too far…
My buddy Doug is a great guy, but he’s kind of a knothead.
The other night was our poker night, and this week it was at his house.
You know what was the other night, too?
When Doug’s wife Patsy started her ‘time of the month’.
Patsy doesn’t like us coming over in the first place, because we’re loud and she says we stink up the house.
I understand, but what is poker night without cigars? We open the windows!
So, she already isn’t happy we’re there, and now she has to deal with her period.
The first time Patsy came through the kitchen she shot daggers at Doug with her stare.
Doug is clueless about body language, apparently.
The next trip through she started coughing, exaggerating like she’s going to choke.
She might as well have been trying to tell Doug she was mad in Swahili for how well he picked up on her clues.
He just kept on dealing the cards, and trying (poorly) to retell this funny joke he heard at work.
I’ve seen this play out in my own house, so I knew where this was headed. But was I going to do anything about it?
Patsy came back down about 5 minutes til 10pm, and asked Doug if he would please wrap things up and let her get to sleep. She was real nice about it.
He didn’t even look at her this time, just waved over his shoulder. “We’ll be done in a little bit, honey.”
Her face turned beet red in an instant, and I knew at any second she could explode!
She started moving toward his back. Poor Doug, he wouldn’t even see it coming.
I stood up fast and put my hand on Patsy’s shoulder.
“Yep, now is as good as any a place to wrap up for the night.”
Doug looked at me, then looked at her.
When he saw my face, then her face, Doug finally realized something was up.
“Okay, Patsy.” I said. “We’ll hit the road. I just need to get something out of my truck for Doug.”
By the time I got back inside the other guys playing with us had skedaddled.
I handed Doug a bottle of CBD lotion.
“What’s this?” he asked.
I replied. “It’s this lotion I rub on after work to keep me moving. But tonight it’s going to keep you from getting your ass kicked.”
I told him to take the lotion and give his wife a massage tonight.
“Look dude, your wife feels crummy. A massage will help her feel better. The massage by itself will help, but rubbing in the CBD oil – that helps her relax.”
He looked down at the bottle.
“It has these natural pain relievers that work together with the massage.” I told him. “She’s going to love it.”
“How do you know about this?”
I laughed. “Man, you stay married as long as me and you learn all kinds of stuff.”
He told me he’d give it a try as I was heading out the door.
I was hoping he would. Heaven help him if he didn’t.
Good luck, Doug.
Doug breezed into the break room the next morning with a goofy grin on his face. He was all in one piece, no visible bandages or casts. That’s good.
He put the bottle of CBD lotion down on the table in front of me.
“Man, you were right.” he said. “It took her a minute to simmer down, but once I started to rub that lotion on her she was loving it, just like you said.”
After hearing this I walked around feeling like I had saved the day.
Not all superheroes wear capes.